Rusty's Racial Reparation Plan

A chat from Rusty to America on RACE:

My Friends, we Americans love our sports metaphors, and the work of racial justice is much like the game of golf. We needed a mighty drive to get the ball rolling, and that drive was carried out by Abraham Lincoln. By signing the Emancipation Proclamation and winning the Civil War, Honest Abe swatted the Golfball of Justice and sent it a very long way towards the hole.

Then along came the Reverend Martin Luther King with his mighty 3 iron. Dr. King’s marches and non-violent philosophy carried that Golfball of Righteousness right up to the edge of the green.

Next it was John F. Kennedy’s turn. His Civil Rights Act was like a mighty wedge shot that chipped the Golfball of American Ideals just feet away from the cup.

When I am your President, I will complete the hard work of racial healing that was begun by Abraham Lincoln and advanced, but not completed, by the Reverend Martin Luther King and John Kennedy. I will get out my Putter of Democracy, line up the Golfball of Racial Healing, and, through my 2008 Racial Reparations Act, I will sink the putt.

What will this Racial Reparations Act entail? Very simply, I will raise 2 trillion dollars from the richest .1% of Americans. How? By whatever means are necessary. For instance, I may parade George W. Bush around in a cage in other countries and let people throw rotting vegetables at him for a small fee. Then I will make good on the promise of “40 acres and a mule” by distributing these moneys to our African American citizens.

But what if 2 trillion dollars is not enough? If full racial healing has not occurred after this round of reparations, I will simply again and again continue to raise revenue from the wealthy .1% until the job is complete.

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